


Brought to You By Qrow Branwen

by TheCraftyNinjaCat



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Married Couple, Memory Alteration, Sitcom, based off wandavision but not a wandavision au, characters acting ooc on purpose, i know it sounds contradictory but it'll make sense i promise, zalgo text
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:55:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29449656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCraftyNinjaCat/pseuds/TheCraftyNinjaCat
Summary: An all new series, with fun familiar characters!Qrow may believe he’s down on his luck, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. A nice house, stable job, best friends who always have his back and a doting husband? He’s living Remnant’s dream life! Now you too can follow the wacky shenanigans that make his practically perfect life all the better, safe for the family and free from the pain of reality.Made just for him.
Relationships: Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi, Raven Branwen/Summer Rose/Taiyang Xiao Long
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	Brought to You By Qrow Branwen

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks! Strap in for this one, because it's gonna get fucking weird! I'll do my best to update regularly, but I can't make any promises because *gestures vaguely at everything*
> 
> (Also, just warning you all now that there's going to be a few mentions of V7CH12 in later chapters, so you may want to click off now if you're not comfortable. Sorry.)

Qrow noticed something was wrong the moment he woke up.

Well, he couldn’t pick out specific details, but he could tell something was a bit... off. He didn’t point out the sea of desaturated colour he had opened his eyes to, nor how he sat up in a bed far too big and far too comfortable to be his own. He just knew _something_ was wrong, as descriptive as that was. It was just a nagging feeling that lingered in the back of his head, even as he slowly blinked into consciousness.

His momentary peace was interrupted by a round of muted clattering noises, coming from the other room. 

Someone else was in his house.

Blearily, he rolled out of bed and stumbled out the door, heading down the corridor towards the sound. Harbinger was nowhere to be found, but he knew he was skilled enough to handle the situation without it. Still, he’d need to approach cautiously, because there was no knowing what kind of weapon his intruder had.

Still, that nagging feeling only continued to grow the further he went. It was odd, because at first glance it didn’t seem like anything was wrong. Maybe he was just imagining things. After all, everything in his house was right where it was supposed to be, from the photos lining the walls to the lamp sitting on the end table. 

...wait, no. He didn’t have a lamp. 

Come to think of it, he didn’t think he had an end table either.

Picking up the pace, he dashed into the living room and his suspicions were immediately confirmed. Just from a glance, he could tell that the layout of the room was different. What’s more, the place was decorated with a large number of objects he _knew_ didn’t belong to him. The cushions on the couch, the small vase of flowers in the centre of the table, they all filled his home with an unfamiliar sense of domesticity. 

What the fuck was going on??

Melodic humming filled his ears, and he turned his attention back to the kitchen. Without thinking he burst through the door, the sweet smell growing stronger as he did. 

The intruder was _cooking._

He watched, stunned, as _someone_ opened his oven and leaned down to look at whatever was cooking inside. The mystery woman quickly slipped on a pair of oven mitts on before pulling out a tray of freshly baked goods. He couldn’t see what the woman was doing from where he was standing, but she seemed pleased nonetheless. She placed them on a cooling rack, beaming with pride.

Then she looked over her shoulder, his eyes locking with blinding silver, and it felt like time had stopped. 

“Summer?”

Summer Rose grinned, eagerly waving him over. 

“Just in time!” she exclaimed, beaming, “Sorry about the noise, the others wanted cookies and I wanted an excuse to visit. They'll be back soon, so take one while they're still hot or you might not get any!” 

He stared, mouth agape. When he didn’t respond, she let out a quiet hum and gently picked up an item from the tray, the treat looking cartoonishly small in her glove.

“Well, if you’re going to just stand there.”

“Wh-”

Before he could protest she shoved a chocolate-chip cookie into his open mouth, and he stopped yet again because _it was her recipe._ Uniquely sweet, with a hint of salt and bursts of chocolate scattered throughout. He never thought he’d get to taste it again.

It was also very hot. Because it had just come out of the oven. Idiot. 

Summer broke into hysterical giggling as Qrow squawked indignantly, quickly swallowing what was in his mouth and letting the rest of the (still piping hot) cookie fall from his mouth and into his hands. His tongue and his hands burned and all she could do was laugh, the _brat._

His heart sank in his chest. No, no, no, _no._ This was wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be here.

“Summer, how-”

The doorbell chimed, interrupting him mid-sentence. When did he get a doorbell?

“Coming!” Summer chimed, slipping off the mitts before she dashed past Qrow towards the front door, her stark white cloak billowing behind her. He quickly followed her out the kitchen, and she unlocked it before he could stop her.

The door swung open from the outside, and Qrow’s stomach lurched dangerously when he saw who was standing behind it.

“Heyyy, how’s my favourite brother-in-law?!” Taiyang yelled, immediately making a beeline for the other man and clapping him hard on the shoulder.

There was no heated glare, or roll of his eyes like Qrow anticipated. He just greeted him like he would greet an old friend, and something about that filled him with unease.

Qrow’s eyes only grew wider when _Raven_ emerged from behind Tai, walking through the door and giving him a casual wave like she was welcome there. 

“What, it hasn’t been that long since you left! Have you already forgotten how to talk to us?” Tai asked, giving Qrow an amused smile. 

He stammered, eyes darting between the duo, “I...you-”

“Let him be, Tai!” Summer chided, “He just woke up, you know he isn’t at his sharpest right now.” 

“Wish that would explain the hair,” Raven murmured, plopping onto the couch and making herself comfortable, “Over 40 years of knowing him and he still looks like he just rolled out of bed.”

Qrow felt himself tense up, hands curling into fists at the sound of her voice. There was no way she had the guts to come back. Last time they had seen each other she tried to _kill_ him, but now she was acting like the Battle of H̴̗͙͑̎̌â̵̻v̴͚̿̕̕ě̴̛̼̑n̵̻ had never happened in the first place. 

… 

The B̶̻͗͝a̴̡̢̪͌̃t̴̩͔͍̥͋̑t̶̖͙͑͌̀̽l̸̠̄̀e̴̻͓͈̗͛̐̐̂͜ ̷̩̠̜̪̫̾̎ő̸̥̟̍̈́̍f̵̱̟̈́͌͗ ̶̙͖̼̣͋͋͘H̷̯̠̻̖̯̑́â̶͍͂̐͗̔v̸̦̱͍̣́ë̷̡̳̘̉n̶̗̲̩͔̿͛?

His eyebrows furrowed. Weird. He swore there was a reason why they had officially cut ties. All he could remember was being furious with her, unbelievably so, but he could barely recall why. 

Was he going crazy, or had he just forgotten the reason? 

“Alright, enough talk, I smell cookies!” Taiyang announced, blowing past him straight into the kitchen. Qrow braced himself for a cold bump against his shoulder that never came.

“Freshly baked. Though I was hoping Qrow would get to have a few before you got here,” Summer sighed, turning to him, “It’s the least we could do for letting us use your kitchen so early.”

“I still don’t think I did anything wrong,” Raven stated matter-of-factly, “Our oven was malfunctioning _before_ I hit it. It was asking for a fight.”

“You think _everyone_ is asking for a fight, Rae,” Summer added, sitting down in an empty spot next to her on the couch, “It’s why Tai does all the shopping. Less contact with retail workers and customers that ‘damage our honour’.”

 _“And_ it’s one of the reasons why we both love you,” Tai called out just before re-entering the living room, carrying out the newly plated cookies with a grin, “Personally, I find the idea of fighting for our honour very romantic.”

Raven huffed, before Tai leaned down for her to give him a quick peck on the lips. Qrow’s brain imploded. 

“Awww, where’s mine?” Summer pouted, dramatically batting her eyelashes. Raven sighed, a furious blush now blooming over her face, before turning to also give the other woman a kiss. Face flushing to match, Summer giggled and let her head fall on Raven's shoulder.

Qrow damn near passed out. Apparently _that_ was a thing now. How could _that_ be a thing and still be the least surprising part of all of this?

His former teammates continued to chat jovially about events that didn’t matter, occasionally reaching for the cookies placed on top of a coffee table he didn’t own. Qrow didn’t think to sit down, and he certainly couldn’t pay attention to a word they were saying. All he could do was...stare.

How was this even happening? It wasn’t that they didn’t notice Summer was back, it was that they didn’t seem to _care._ If their reactions told him anything, it was that this was a regular Tuesday to them. It was like she had never d̸͖̆̅i̷̠͗ë̴͍̞́͑d̷̛͓, like their team hadn’t been so cruelly torn apart by fate in the first place. 

Qrow’s blood ran cold. There it was again, that gap in his memory. Like pieces of events had been completely erased, leaving behind only an empty feeling that made him insist something was wrong. 

Was it just him? It couldn’t be.

Summer Rose was supposed to be ḏ̶̪̓͗e̶̺͚̍a̶̛̗̒d̵̪͋͗

He clutched his head, groaning with frustration. He knew what he meant, it was on the tip of his tongue. _What was he forgetting?_

“Everything okay, brother?” Raven asked, her eyes narrowing with concern at his obvious discomfort. Concern. Before today, he swore she had never regarded him with anything more than cold disdain.

“This...this isn’t right,” he rasped, his head spinning. 

“I’ll say!” Tai guffawed, crossing his arms and leaning back in the recliner he was sitting in, “First day back from his honeymoon and _your husband’s_ already waking up at 6AM to do chores. I mean, I know he’s an early bird, but can’t the guy loosen up a bit?”

Qrow choked on air, _“My husband?!”_

Both Summer and Raven eyed him weirdly, before sharing an uncomfortable glance. Obviously they had no idea what he was talking about.

Tai, being himself, _wheezed,_ “Okay, _now_ you’re acting crazy. Who do you think let us in, genius?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time we had broken in without permission,” Raven said, smirking. 

The three of them snickered amongst themselves. It was only then that Qrow looked down at his left hand and noticed the silver wedding band adorning his ring finger that _definitely_ wasn’t there before.

“I’ll go get us some drinks,” Qrow mumbled, stumbling into the kitchen. 

Bile rose in the back of his throat at the thought of having to face the liquor bottles cluttering his cabinets, but he still staggered forward. He needed to be away from everyone, just to process things for himself, and if that meant facing the fruits of his addiction then he’d just have to grin and bear it.

Except he ended up confused all over again when he opened the cabinets to find...nothing. Bottled water, a few bottles of non-alcoholic sparkling cider, and a bunch of pretty glasses that he also had never seen before. All the bottles that he used to fill his flask with magically out of sight. How? He hadn’t even gotten the chance to empty them yet. He hadn’t gone home since he decided to quit. 

Come to think of it, he wasn’t even supposed to be home to begin with. He should have still been stuck in A̶̧̋t̶͓͂l̴̝̂ȧ̶͜ṣ̴͂..F̶̨̨̦̚ĩ̸̞̠̜͆̉ḡ̶̯̝̇ḧ̶͇̇͌t̶͙͝ͅi̴̢̖͛̋͂n̸̟̈́͛̿g̴̩̱̣̒͛ ̸̺͊͊̓f̸̗̬͊ö̵͙̼r̵̺̜̣̿̅ ̶̩̱̄ṱ̶̽̓ẖ̵͍́̅͛e̴͉̹͌ ̵̰̔͜s̴̛͍̗͔̲̓͝͠t̴̙̔d̵̤͝h̵͌͛ͅa̶̫̒g̶͔̈́̈́ŝ̸͓͔d̶̟̺̺̳̑̊.̸̧͑͗̅̚;...

Radio static filled his ears, muddying his memories once again. Qrow groaned, smacking himself in the head a few times in the hope that the fuzziness would clear. Now he felt like he was going to be sick for entirely different reasons.

Focus, _focus._ Drinks. He could think about it after he got drinks.

As he carefully pulled out four semi-fancy glasses from the top cabinet, his attention was once again caught by the new ring on his finger. He stopped, just for a moment, putting the glasses down on the counter, before he brought it to his face to examine it. It was silver, with a thin band of a different hue wrapping around the centre. His other rings were nowhere to be found, but for some reason he didn’t mind. It looked nice on its own.

Before then, marriage felt like nothing more than a childish dream to him. Heck, any form of secure relationship felt like some wild fantasy out of his reach. It was the type of thing he wished for on shooting stars back when he was a boy, alongside ‘making the world a better place’ and ‘staying with his friends forever’, before the cruelty of the world had beaten that starry-eyed wonder out of him by force. He knew now how stupid it was, even as that immature sense of longing came over him whenever he looked to the night sky.

Yet somehow, today, it felt like all of those stupid wishes had come true overnight. 

He was interrupted yet again, this time by the sound of someone else entering the house. The other room was suddenly filled with laughter and joyful greetings, so at least it was most likely to be someone familiar. Picking up two glasses in each hand, and taking a deep breath in, he carefully left the kitchen to face their guest.

Then he locked eyes with Clover Ebi, and the glasses in his hands went crashing to the floor.

His face lit up as they made eye contact. “Good morning, pretty bird!” Clover greeted cheerfully, dropping his shopping bags and throwing his arms around Qrow, “I hope you didn’t miss me _too_ much.”

Qrow just barely had the sense to return the gesture, arms gingerly wrapping around him. The light-hearted jeering from his friends faded into white noise, as the feeling of the other man’s body against his became all he could focus on.

It was official. Something was very, _very_ wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> In order for this fic to work you need to imagine a live studio audience laughing every time there’s a bad joke. Also everything’s in black and white. Trust me on this.


End file.
